I don’t know what you did that has resulted in the situation that you are now in. I’m not concerned about it. What I am concerned about is you knowing that God has forgiven you and that it is important that you forgive yourself.
God sent His Son, a perfect reflection of Himself, to the Earth to redeem all men. Jesus redeemed us all by the spilling of his own blood upon the cross. He died on the cross so that you and I could be free to reconnect to our ultimate Father God.
We are redeemed, set free, forgiven, and refreshed by the death of Jesus and the blood he shed for us. We are forgiven.
Colossians 1:13-14 New King James
13He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, 14in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.
You are forgiven. If you have not, ask for God for forgiveness and then work on forgiving yourself. IT’s time to be free my brother. You are one of the redeemed.